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Supersword - This sword is undefeatable in combat, being able to slaughter entire armies in but a few strokes. However, this sword has a hyperintelligent mind of its own, and always favors the stronger combatant in a squabble round. Considering the fact that characters are always weaker than anything they encounter, this item will destroy the party it travels with in one fell swoop.
FRIE the Flamethrower - FRIE is the name of this magic weapon that blasts a long stream of fire out one end upon command. A Raving Pyromaniac gets a +7 on this one.
Elven Bow and Arrows - Spells have been woven into these to cause the arrows to fly on forever, usually missing the nasties they are aimed at.
Enchanted Banana Peel - The power enmeshed in this weapon guarantees it for a good laugh when an unintelligent nasty or partymember steps on it.
Splitting Wonder - A weapon that allows the user to split the atom. Results in the decimation of the entire cavern, including, of course, the user and his party.
Potion of Weakness - Confers full advantages of having no strength at all. Character may now plead and beg nasties to have mercy on a poor soul who cannot even stand.
Potion of Birth Control - Self-explanatory. 95% effective.
Potion of Sweat Control - Allows user to look anything but frightened out of his/her mind. Can be used to artistic effect in certain steamy instances.
Potion of Invisibility - Since this is invisible, the potion is very rarely seen. Once acquired and partaken of, the liquid will be completely undetectable in the user's insides, even with X-rays.
Potion of Breath Freshening - Allows user to avoid embarrassment in any number of everyday social situations.
Potion of Liquid Form - Allows user to enter cracks under doors to spy out what is in room(s). However, user does not retain control of his body and some liquid may seep into deep cracks, thereby losing him most of his vital organs.
Potion of Waste - Useful if character needs fertilizer for garden, but otherwise in rather bad taste.
Potion of Big Feet - Causes user's feet to grow to five times normal size.
Poison Potions - No potion is poisonous, unless the MC wishes it so.
Then, the imbibing character may either die instantly, or writhe in pain for several turns, at the MC's discretion.
Potion of Delusion - Deludes all within twenty foot radius into thinking that user is a penniless, whining, pathetic little wimp instead of the penniless, whining, path...usually doesn't work.
Potion of Escape Velocity - Imbiber is hurled straight upwards until he leaves the planet's atmosphere or until he collides with an artificial barrier, such as a ceiling.
Potion of Multiple Amazing Inflammatory Queues - Self-explanatory.
Ring of Extreme Visibility - Presents wearer's foe with an absolutely clear target, with killing points outlined in fluorescent orange marker.
Ring of Wild Animals - Causes all animals to go nuts on command, and to attack the first thing they see. Of course, they usually see their commander first.
Ring of Wild Plants - Harmless, really. Just causes plants to sway in the breeze and swoon over Frank Sinatra.
Ring of Life Preservation - Self-explanatory.
Protection Loss Ring - Wearer is entitled to lose up to all of his life points.
Ring of Round the Rosies - Allows user to circumvent flowers and thorny bushes. Some of these rings have the side effect of causing the user to play children's games.
Magic Genie Wish Ring - When the command word is spoken, either a lovely lady dressed in a pink belly-dancer outfit or a fat, old, mean son of a sultan will issue forth from the ring and grant wishes. Many wishes. Everyone within a six-hundred mile radius plus all of the wearer's friends, close and distant relatives, pets, plants and enemy of his choice receive one wish to be granted before next Tuesday. Please note however, that the genie also receives one wish.
Ring of Fire Acceptance - Wearer draws fire like a magnet, and usually winds up torching his party. May be turned into a Raving Pyromaniac.
Ring of Agreement - Wearer agrees to whatever anyone tells him to do. Example: If someone tells the wearer to go smack that demon in the face, he will do so and be eaten.
Ring of Protection from Normal Dishes - Self-explanatory, and 100% effective.
Swiss Army Cereal Premium Ring - This four hundred thirty-nine pound contraption requires five ringbearers and one wearer to operate. By pushing a small red button in the lower left corner, any number of things will occur. Complete with fork, knife, spoon and miniature toy cannon with a picture of the Lone Ranger engraved on the barrel, this item also has 9,996 other functions. Note to MC: Keep a few hundred functions for yourself to do whatever you wish.
Ring of Reading - Enables wearer to read one language by use of magic decoder. Determine with a 6-sided die:
Magic Decoder Table
Wands and Staves
Wand of Magic Loss - Causes everyone in the party to separate and lose themselves.
Secret Doors Staff - Causes any secret door to open when passed closely by, smacking the owner of the staff in the face.
Wand of Foolishness - Too short for a walking stick and too long for a toothpick, this wand does absolutely nothing. Gonzo Wizard may feel a bit silly holding this inert piece of wood, thus establishing the power of the arcane magic.
Hatred Wand - Affects all creatures in a sixty foot radius, causing everyone to turn on one another. Handy for starting barroom brawls.
Wand of Looseness - Causes owner to become "loose as a goose", and makes him lie down where he can sleep it off.
Wand of Light - Wand with a button upon it which when pushed, magically emits a beam of light from one end of the wand. Batteries not included.
Wand of Magic - This wand of magic is painted in an attention-getting black with white tips, and when flourished, produces one of two things: 1.) a live white rabbit with pink ears which eventually turns into a dove, or 2.) a bouquet of paper flowers.
Wand of Bicbutane - Produces small flame when flicked.
Wands of Eating - A pair of wands which, if used correctly, enables the user to eat Chinese food.
Staff of Goosing Women - Self-explanatory, but rather chauvinistic, wouldn't you say?
Staff of Healing - This staff, when applied to character's wounds, heals 1d10 points of damage. (Honest. No kiddin'. We're serious here.)
Staff of Cold Balls - Self-explanatory, and painful.
Rope of Tying - Will either tie user up and leave him there to rot, or will hang him high from the nearest scaffold.
Broom of Straw - Every time this item is picked up, a long, singular piece of straw will protrude from the sweeping end. It is unattached, and will fall out if not removed. No matter how many times the item is handled, the single straw will always be there, and the amount of straw in the broom will never diminish.
Gauntlets of Insect Power - Causes wearer to fear for his life from a passing frog.
Box of Death - Self-explanatory.
Trunk of Elven Sorrow - If one of the elves in the party is feeling particularly happy, let him stick his head in this item, and he will immediately become a morose, bad-tempered, crying, suicide-contemplating elf. Useful for dwarves, too.
Necklace of Magic Air - When the ruby on this necklace is touched, the air before the user turns red. Nothing else happens.
Smiley Button - Gives the wearer a 5% chance of making an encountered nasty smile, 15% chance of being mistaken for a nostalgia fan, 80% chance of being mistaken for a damn fool.
Banner of Peace - The banner appears to be an ordinary white cloth tied to a wand, but when waved vigorously during or before squabble round, has a 50% chance of making an enemy cease hostilities, lose intention to kill, and instead, take the waver captive.
Crystal Balls - Self-explanatory, and very very painful.
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